Thursday, March 29, 2012

Appalled at hypocrisy

Today is yet another farewell held for a former boss. It was very strange that while everyone in that room actually disliked her and was relieved to see her go people made a show of "missing" her so much so that it became quite appalling to me. Because I know exactly what these people are saying behind her back. I don't understand that kind of hypocrisy. It makes me realize how little I know people. I understand that for the sake of decorum it s ok to hold a farewell party but to go overboard and gush how much you love and miss her is kinda sickening. It is so insincere!!!

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

I was simply furious!

Whoaaa...thank God I still remember the password !
Blogging is so cooooool.... I ve been kidnapped by FB for so long. And suddenly I have an angst n nowhere to write.

Ergo, revisiting this abandoned blog. Noticed that I have been receiving guests from all over the world, you poor susceptible people...!

I am waiting for my transfer to be approved by the new big boss. The current one is freezing all transfers right now. I hate her with a vengeance. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to beg for a job u like and to finally able to bag it n then to be told that transfres r being frozen?

N so am I. Frozen at my workstation. Enough said.

Also I got furious over sthg very touchy. The subject of taking care of my mom. It s funny that I m mad about this and I cant figure out why exactly. I actually felt relieved she was with me at my home and I was glad I could take care of her in her old age. I felt happier and healthier somehow during her stay.

But when my sister keeps trying to unload my mom to me at the flimsiest of excuse when its her turn to do so, I just god MAAAD. Freaking mad. I felt exploited. I felt like making sure my sister knew how I feel. I wanted to teach her a lesson at reponsibility. After all, other members in my family actually dont quite enjoy having my mom at our house coz the responsibility of taking care of her falls on their shoulders as I am away at work most of the time. It s kind of not fair for me to agree to take care of her when I m forcing others to do so on my behalf.

The last semester break there was a ruckus over a shortage of room and my daughter is coming home again, a very happy occassion for me, but somehow overcame by my anxiety over Opah's suddenly being left at our door step by my sis. Plans had to be cancelled etc. I , myself, dont really mind but the others do. So, what to do???

The thing is, I kind of like seeing my mom pottering abt the place. It made me feel responsible, it made me feel like I was doing the right thing. It was like I was making amends for not calling or visiting or basically not being a dutiful daughter.

So, why am I so angry and saying NO, NO, NO to my sister's suggestion of sending my mom to my house everytime my mom feels bored at her house?

Becauseee...well, my mom will be bound to feel bored and lonely coz my sister always leave her behind to frequent malls and movies. So, my mom will always be dropped off to my place. Which, really , is not fair to the kids, the actual caretakers here.

But me, being bitter and angry I just told my sister off with so many things that I ve dredged from the past.

But in a way, I m glad because I ve always wanted her to know how I feel. My sister is clearly taking advantage of my family's commitment to taking care of my mom. The reason why she liked being with us was because we made sure somebody was always home to be with her. But it also meant that we had to cancel or postpone family events coz my mom is too frail to join. The point is, we postponed events hoping that when it comes to mys siter's turn, we could do it but the most infuriating thing was that my sister would bring her back after a day or two! My sister's excuse is that my mom was feeling bored.

I somehow feel that my sister designs it that way so that when my mom comes to my house, she would travel with her family. Her FB posts will be full of doing this n that n travelling here n there. Hah! Come to thing of that I m so sure she does that! The conniving fat b&%$#@!!!

And she has the cheek to tell me that I should be patient coz it wont be for long and giving all kinds of religious advice on how I should love n care for my mom! As if!

It s gud that I actually told her one simple solution to ensure my mom not to feel lonely is to do wat my family does wen we take care of my mom: stay home, postpone or cancel plans n for my sister it wud mean, missing her daily visits to malls, watching stupid malay drama at the cinema or her ikea weekly pilgrimage. And see how mad she will become if someone cheats on her turn to do so!

On the other hand, I m thinking of my poor s not that I dont want u Chik, I m teaching your other daughter a lesson. She is too spoilt and of course, it's your fault :p

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Kota kinabalu n me

The lobby smelled heavenly of hundreds of white- greenish lilies. It was a big change from the smell of damp carpets from the previous hotel. The receptionist ushered me to the lounge cafe and placed an iced lemon tea and asked for my documents for checking in. Woww...that is friendly. I d say this is the best welcome I ve had after so long! It used to be that before I turned down the bed, Hyatt staff would come out from nowhere ( which was freaky) and placed a good night chocolate on my pillow with a stalk of deep red velvety fresh rose.
The service has deteriorated everywhere eversince the 97-98 financial crisis when every hotel decides that hey suckers you are paying a whole month grocery per night and we are keeping all of it for ourselves from now on, thank you. Oh, wait, except for JW Marriot In KL which actually washed my car . Maybe its astonishing appearance (or lack of it) was adversely affecting the (dis)repute of its clientele base. Nevertheless, I was pleased that they even took away my daughter’s panties ( then 5 yr old) whom she dislodged indiscreetly at the backseat and had been used jauntily and provocatively as a decoration for the rear window all the way from Kerteh to KL.
Bleary and puffy eyed , I headed to the engineering forum and thank God, after the first day , I actually began to understand what they were talking about. The lecture given by some Phil on some new implement was quite interesting ; something about a hard rod called a stroker that apparently could penetrate the hole in a downward motion and the spiralling head would actually enlarge the nipple...Hmmm..LOLLLL!. These jargons, are, of course the works of drilling engineers that have spent too many days on offshore remote oil platforms.
And talk about a bunch of people who won’t be impressed by a magician act! He was swaying some table off the floor while holding to the edges of the small table cloth. He did not receive even a clap for that one. Obviously everyone thought he must be holding some small wire somewhere similar to the ones that had been discussed at length ( literally) all day long.
The highlight of my trip is of course meeting my old school buddies that have magically not aged since I last saw them hmmm, in 1735. Upon bidding farewell I got almost anxious, thinking that, most possibly that i would never ever see these people again. And that is what I always think of well, dead people. Sorry that I word it this way, but similarly i never get to see them either. To think that if someone that is dear to me whom has died but somehow has been resurrected somewhere down in Perlis, I d think I would speed off to Arau or Jejawi or whatnot immediately at all cost. But that also would depend on the state of the body decomposition, of course. If it was very severe, i’d say there would not be enough land in the country for me to run away from!
The most amazing thing is that these friends remembered things that I did or things that I said that I would not imagine i ever would remember! It’s really interesting that they both remember me as this one happy go lucky laughing person when I always pictured myself as a loner. Eh, that was in college lah, come to think of it. The thing is that friends remember me in a certain way and it is damn perplexing somehow.
After the longgg chit chat with one of them today,( the loveliest person I have ever met in my life), I found myself a local spa. A thin Chinese man came out to give me a leaflet and I was so taken aback by his gold earring and decided that maybe this guy was more a pimp than a marketing arm and quite possibly he thought I was applying for some vacancy in his establishment. I retreated hastily and bought tons of food as the 5 star hotel I m staying in only sells things on the menu written of sthg like these: You are screwed, the nearest eatery is forty miles away therefore the cost of this mee goring mamak is going to be equivalent of one Gucci handbag ( ok, at least a fake one).
Like Carrie in the sex in the city, I also would like to sum up some words of wisdom from my short stint in KK.
1. Downtown KK smells like fish ( this is not a wisdom thingy but a fact)
2. The resort part of the sutra place should have tons of lilies in the lobby. Instead it was so dark and ghostly no one could pay me enough for me to stay there!
3. The business wing of the hotel should have a bidet, a praying mat, a praying time table, and we business ppl are normally impressed with gadgets, so that old tv should go . Coz it makes me feel that you are a poor hotel with poor management (Which is so sad especially when you have that nice vision and mission statements on your door cards)
4. Offer wireless internet for free because businessmen are normally tired men who surf porn.
5. Oh, don t give me some sweet candy when you come to repair the cold shower and that chocolatey watery gunk that come out from the bathroom faucet, I m diabetic!
6. And yes, I checked, there was no two way mirror n i walked naked freely in the room but the thought that I might die suddenly made me put on my clothes quite fast.
7. Oh yes, I got a five star treatment from my colleagues in KK n felt weird being placed at the head table as in the HQ , managers like me is in the thousands and I think ( the wisdom part) I should not get used to be respected so much and having such hi standards as whatever fringe benefits I have will be taken away once I m retired. On the other hand, I might as well enjoy them coz I may not last till retirement to agonize about it.
8. And after some shithead was rude to me I realize that it is awful not to be respected, so guys, pls treat ppl respectfully ( unless they are paedophiles, and murderers and the likes). Otherwise, you will have dozens of people tirelessly plotting on how to get back at you ( like what I have been seriously thinking these last few days).
9. Also, real kindness is the one given when the giver cannot afford to be kind as it is easy to be beneficient and loving while you are rich but would you let me eat half of your hagen dasz when it cost a bomb for that miserable cup?( How much would a bomb cost?)
Ok hanging on guys at home. I m coming home and I will have some body massage in Miri. Ciao!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010


I ve come to this page so many times but I have nothing to write! Grrrr...wats wrong with me. I ve become a voyeur of other ppl's blogs I d rather read those than write my own!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010


Actually I am not a supporter of anyone it's just that it makes me sad to see if anyone is victimised. One colleague rightfully commented this fact:
He got sodomised at 2 30 pm on 26th and on 28th he went for check up and got samples of DNA from inside/outside the anus. The question is: Didn'nt he pass any motion during that 2 days? (or take a shower for that matter)

Bravo my friend, you dont have to spend so much money on lawyers for such simple logic.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Missing my children

It's 4 am n I can't sleep. Suddenly i feel as if I have been away from my kids for a very long time. I miss them. I feel like hugging them but hey, u cant wake up teenagers while they are sleeping for a hug... Time has passed so quickly, I have realised that they have been growing on their own and been on their own so much lately.My interaction with them has been limited to doing chores, homework n instructions for this n that.

i have talked to Zarith once in a while but I think I have neglected haniff. being the one in the middle, it seems that I constantly miss out on his life. He went for a swim and his phone was in his pocket. He doesnt show that he s missing it much, unlike his sister whom wud have bawled her eyes out. Now I just realise how much he must be missing it as he uses it to listen to music all the time.

It's easy to just pay attention to the youngest as she is very demanding but I must remind myself to be here for the others too. This sudden realization is bothering me so much so that I cant sleep.

So, my new year resolution is to talk to my kids more often on a deeper and more meaningful level. I miss them even as they are sleeping in their own beds tonight, just a few feet from me.

I love you kids. Wee have been through a lot together....

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Notes on Bintulu

i asked the taxi driver, why is bintulu does not seem to be economically developed?by that I mean, why are the movies at the cinema 1 month late. That is a sign of lack of progress to me hehe. Hah, all the money has gone to semenanjung lah, he said. I said, no way, petronas money 60% comes from international operations, no more from Swak la... actually i ve forgotten the facts n figures but i was kinda defensive.....then I wonder whether that remark by taxi driver is a standard accusation drilled down into the heart of many bintulu ppl and maybe it's a very convenient scapegoaty brainwashy thingy for money being diverted elsewhere.

i swear if i ever get rich i will give free land and houses to the slumdwellers living in cardboard plywood houses on the hills to the office. It breaks my heart to see such poverty.see, i shud have been richer coz many more ppl wud benefit kan??kann?? (apart from owning countless shoes like imelda marcos, the goddess of female giddiness n...i wud have held a barbecue at my posh mansion n u all r invited).

wat was i writing again? oh ok, nothing much, more fantasies on being rich n fabulous.Btw I happened to read a good malay book and gosh! now I m intimidated by this writer n I m thinking, no way i m going to write as well as she does!!!! Pheww...i just realize that i owe a lot to corporate nonperformers holding high positions n crappy writers who get their works published coz they ,hmm, the word cant be inspire, maybe ...they sort of makes me think if these unfortunately low iq ppl can do it , someone like me cud do so much better!!!heee heee! i was born in the year of the horse so arrogance n me come together, forgive me God.

Ok i m off to read Tijah at blogspot coz she s funny n i m sort of addicted to her posts.