Slightly disturbed...

Zarith, Elly & Danial at ramadhan buffet.
“Mom, do you know remember the friend that I introduced you to, a few days ago? ”Yes, I remember, a girl who was going to submit her application to a boarding school despite the deadline. I met her when I went to my daughter’s school to sort out some problem with regards to her PMR exam. “She is going through what we went through before…”

Hmm…the father threw out his wife and kids in the middle of the night. The night before the daughter was going to sit for her PMR trial exam. They went out with just the clothes on their back. Physical abuse, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, financial abuse, etc etc etc. Same old story. It’s been going on for years. Since the kids were small. It was not the first time but this time, the wife found a house elsewhere and the kids threatened to run away if she went back to their father again. Apparently he called and apologized.

But I hate recalling past events. It still affects me. It just makes me angry. Not at her husband but at her specifically. It takes courage to decide to leave. I did leave. I have made it. Her limitations are all in her mind. I had a lot of money but I felt poor. I was young and pretty, but I felt old and ugly. I was a good wife but nothing I did was enough. I blamed God when I should blame myself. God has given me brains, I didn’t use it. I fell hook line and sinker that a marriage should last forever, even if it killed me. I didn’t die for seven years, I didn’t live either. I woke up to find that I was alone with a baby and two toddlers, feeling like I had squandered my life away. I meant to conquer the world, travel, read books, learn new languages, had an exciting job, finally finish my doctorate. What happened to my dreams? What had happened to me?

Start over. It was liberating. I re-discovered myself. I found out that I am made of iron and mush. I ve changed some, I ve retained some. Look me in the eye, and you see that I am back to being happy. I climbed out from a horror house. I haven’t merely survived, I have triumphed in many ways.


It’s lack of self worthiness that makes many women demand less and less. Their expectations go lower and lower each day until they become nothing and meaningless to their husbands. They have lost their self respect. They deserve what they get ( or don’t get). They say it is Islam. Islam wants them to make that sacrifice. Make your husbands happy. Put their interests first before self. And marriage takes a lot of work to make it work

I have made a decision that I deserve respect and love and dignity. My life is precious . I say that what is not fair is not Islamic. My life , my feelings are just as important as the husband’s. I will fight for what I want even if it means I may hurt his feelings by expressing what I want. If he loves me enough he will understand. If it takes too much work to make a marriage work, I will say clearly that there should not be a marriage. End it. Don’t be stupid. As simple as that. Decide.